My entire life I felt like an outsider and dubbed myself as the “black swan,” but I always felt in alignment when I was studying the human body, yogic philosophy, neurophysiology, energy fields, and the like. My love for yoga and the Soulful Alignment I felt learning about the magnificence of the human body led me to studying and experiencing energy psychology, belief psychology, Traditional Chinese Medicine and Five Elements Theory, acupuncture, sound therapy, polyvagal theory, tapping, bioenergetics, psychosomatic therapy, trauma healing, energy healing, the Map of Consciousness, and the human biofield. As my studies and various life experiences continued, I became absolutely fascinated with the powers of the subconscious mind and began to understand how deeply thoughts and emotions impact and shape our lives, our health, and our ability to thrive. As I started to dive deeper into understanding emotions and the thoughts and beliefs that lead to emotions, as well as learning to befriend my own emotions, and trying to find a way to coherently weave all of this together into a thoughtful business plan to help others live their best lives, I was presented - as if by synchronicity - with the ultimate challenge: An emotional experience that would forever change me - profound grief.

The day after Christmas, 2021 my dad died. My foundation shattered. All of the lights seemed to go out. I was upside down, inside out, lost, alone, scared, and didn’t recognize myself or anything around me. Nothing made sense anymore. I no longer knew who I was or why I was here. I no longer felt like I had a purpose.

After six months of near-immobilizing depression, uncontrollable sobbing, and physical pain from the hole I felt inside, the lights seemed to turn back on again: I was pregnant. Joy made its way back to me; I felt alive! I felt like I had superpowers. I was still grieving, and I had a baby to create and breathe life into: It was a delicate balance I had to find, and - as if by magic - I effortlessly remembered and leaned into all of the tools I had in order to find this balance. I found a reason to smile again! I had a reason to get out of bed!

At our 11-week ultrasound appointment to determine a true due date and age of the baby, we learned our precious son did not have a heartbeat. The life and light that had filled me up had vanished. I disintegrated. I felt abandoned and isolated. I was helpless and scared. It had only been eight months since my dad had died and already another layer of grief had been piled on. Two weeks later we had to say goodbye to our beloved fur baby, Tiki. Yet one more layer of grief in a dreadfully short time span.

It became hard to discern what exactly I was grieving. Each experience was so closely intertwined that it was difficult to pinpoint the source of my grief. How is it possible to lose a parent, a baby, and a companion within such a short time? I was overcome with anger and rage. I was scared and broken. My soul ached. My chest felt empty and as if an elephant was pressing on me all at the same time. I felt like I was in a dark, unfamiliar space and completely alone. All I could manage to do was read. I lost myself in piles of books, searching for anything I could find that might explain what happened to me; and more importantly, why.

About four months later, in what had to be synchronicity, I discovered Biodecoding (a healing paradigm that is based on the logic of biology, and the intrinsic organ-psyche-brain connection). I immediately knew the upcoming program would help me through my grief and support my desires to help others in their spiritual journeys, and so I signed up to become a Certified Biodecoding Coach right there on the spot when I discovered the program. I was right: This therapeutic program taught me how to lean into my grief and showed me how my beliefs affected how I was grieving. I am so grateful for this program because it reminded me of my purpose: Supporting others to befriend the deepest parts of themselves so they can reach their fullest potential and live their most optimal life.

With the help of Biodecoding as a student, a practicing coach, and a client, I was able to untangle my thoughts from my feelings and my feelings from my beliefs and truly lean in to my grief. Once I was able to sit with my grief and befriend it, I realized that was my first task in weaving together all of the things that had made me feel Soulfully Aligned. Stepping into my purpose meant I had to experience the very thing that allowed me to understand my own power and my own inner wisdom. Understanding the meaning of this experience helped me realize how to weave all of the golden threads throughout my life together: I suddenly understood how our subconscious mind and our beliefs influence our thoughts and our emotions and how the frequencies and vibrations of our emotions and our thoughts affect our life; I suddenly understood how addressing our beliefs aids in emotional transformation; I more intimately understood how powerful our connection with our body is, and what it means to truly listen to what it says; I suddenly had this desire, this craving, to alchemize energies of lower vibrational emotions.

With these profound realizations etched into my Being and at the forefront of my mind, energy psychology and tapping quickly came into my field and I knew I was to weave these into my life. David R. Hawkins’ work on consciousness felt like the guidebooks to my life and I became enamored with the frequencies of each emotion. I became desperate to raise my own vibration from grief (75 Hz - associated with anger, fear, and guilt) to courage (200 Hz - associated with bravery, optimism, and empowerment).  I was aiming for courage because it is the level of emotion where we begin to transform negative energy into positive energy: It is the frequency of alchemy. Reaching a level of courage is the first step towards empowerment and transformation, and I was committed to getting there. It was at the emotional level of courage where I saw my golden thread weave into this gorgeous bow showing me that my life experiences were the key to my purpose and my purpose is to teach others about the importance of leaning in to our emotions, re-aligning our beliefs with Who We Really Are, understanding how our body speaks to us, and reclaiming our power through the art of alchemizing energies.